I don’t know how the world is supposed to exist without him,
especially in this little world,
on this farm,
in this house.
How do mum and dad exist without asking each other every night if
he has been fed to an exasperated Yes in reply?
How does dad exist without clippers in his
hands to cut Barney’s white, matted fur?
How does the back doorstep exist without Barney’s bed on it,
upside down for some inexplicable reason but
that’s just the way he likes it.
What do I do with all of Duke’s things that became Barney’s,
because he had nothing,
except his steel food bowl that is what?
Some kind of weird hub-cap?
How am I meant to go outside,
go anywhere,
without bending down to scratch his head?
What are my hands supposed to do now
that they’ve learn the way to scratch only behind one ear
because the other one hurts, or
to pick him up in a gentle way so
he doesn’t growl…
if there is no ear to pat and
no body to hold?
Who am I without him?
Who am I without everything that I have lost?