good, bad, horribly deformed.

There’s a part of me I’m not okay with.

I’ve spent the last two years or so going deep, on everything. The shadow work, the radical acceptance of all my parts: good, bad, horribly deformed. 

I know my faults to a tee.

I have years of data to analyse on how I’ll act in any given situation

But despite everything…

There’s a part.

Big part.

Part that makes ALL the other parts make sense.

For most of my life I’ve been able to bury and distract from it, in serial relationships, codependent behaviour and escapes in all forms: alcohol, drugs, people…

And the obsessive behaviour that doesn’t actually look so bad: work, exercise, the control I can spiritually-bypass having by NOT drinking.

A few days ago, Naya Rivera went missing and is presumed dead.

I think when celebrities die, we aren’t necessarily mourning them, but the idea of them, the impact they’ve had on us, and who we ourselves were when we first heard about them or they made the most influence on us.

My heart is broken for her. For her family. For everyone in her sphere. 

And I’ve been taken back to teenage Zo with every headline and mention I’ve seen on Insta or Twitter. 

Who am I in a world where my awakening doesn’t exist?