But then… She came to me.

You know, that ethereal, infinite She that I like to believe is me in some parallel universe, that is all knowing and sometimes, sometimes deems me worthy of a tiny portion of all the knowledge in the totality.

 And She told me why I had to go through all of this. 

And She let me know it’s all part of my training. It’s the doomsday prepping of my consciousness. 

She said that I’m not here for my grief, I’m here to help hold the grief of the world. And everything the last 15 years has poured onto me has been teaching me how to grow strong enough to bear it. 

—

There was this moment at Seven Sisters that changed my life.

We’d been through a walking meditation through the underworld to cleanse ourselves from shame, descending and de-robing, dying, and then being reborn like phoenixes before ascending and reclothing our now-naked chakras.

I still don’t have words to explain what this was like, and this wasn’t even the life-changing part..!

After the meditative journey, with eyes downcast, we were told to find another pair of feet that we let ourselves be drawn to, and instantly I was drawn to the feet of a blue-haired hippy.

And we had to stand in front of each other, and simply witness each other’s shame. 

I’ve never held space for someone or had someone hold space for me in such a profound way. I did some batsh*t wild things that I honestly can’t even believe, because I was so free of shame and felt so safe in being witnessed in this way. 

I sobbed with my partner, I laughed out loud, I sobbed again. Afterwards we both felt like we had to be physically touching because we felt so close, so seen, so one. 

There’s no way I can express what this experience meant to me, on a personal level and on a level of realising my purpose. 

It feels like magic again. Like I can’t wait to jump out of bed to work on this idea, and all my ideas, and make changes to everything in ways that I think are so special and important. 

It’s all coming, vomiting out from the black depths into a Rorschach artwork painted just for the souls who need it most.